We were alone in his office. The door was closed, and you could faintly hear the sounds of the loud music. Eric looked at me, he took a few steps towards me, for a second he looked intimidating and I didn’t know what to say. His eyes were still as beautiful as ever. They were deep, and full of warmth and behind his angry facade, his eyes told me a different story. I could see the sorrow and the longing behind his beautiful blue eyes.
I felt my mouth dry up, as Eric continued to look at me the way he did, and I felt like I couldn’t pull away. It’s as if I was being stripped away of all my defenses.
For those mere seconds, it was just the two of us again. The outside world had disappeared, and it felt right. I didn’t want it to feel right. I had shed enough tears for him, I had lost everything because of him. I couldn’t let that happen, not now not ever.
I took a deep breath, closing my eyes for a brief second, I turned and pulled out the bloody documents he refused to sign. I dropped them onto his desk.
“Here. These need to be signed Eric.” Was all I said to him, I refused to make eye contact. But curiosity got the best of me.
I looked at him again and he was angry.
“You leave for seven years, and this is all I get?” I could hear the anger in his voice. I know Gran was right, he had every right to be angry because I wasn’t such a saint either, but still. I didn’t want to explain myself to him. I felt my own temper rise.
“I don’t have to tell you anything.” I snapped at him.
“The hell you do! You’re my wife, Sookie! The only thing I have ever received from you are these damned papers!” He yelled.
“And that’s all you’ll ever receive, you don’t deserve to know anything, Eric!”
“Like the fact that you’re with another man, while being married to me? Oh how very Christian of you , Sookie.” That’s when my hand collided with his cheek. He was still an asshole, I see. But it stung, it really stung that he brought that up.
“I bet you haven’t been a saint either, so don’t you dare judge me!” I felt tears in my eyes, but I blinked them away. I couldn’t cry, I couldn’t let myself be vulnerable in front of him.
“You assume I’m like you?” He hissed. “The last woman that I ever touched was you. I’m not going to defile something so sacred as marriage, like you did. “ I was trying hard to hold back the tears, he didn’t know anything about me, so what right did he have to judge me? But then again, I was being harsh to him as well. I didn’t realize that Eric would remain celibate. I believed him, Eric would never lie to me, and I knew he wasn’t lying about this.
He remained faithful to our marriage. I didn’t, I found comfort in the arms of another man that wasn’t my husband.
“Then I can relieve your marital duties, just sign the papers Eric!”
“No. I won’t sign them.” He said taking the papers, and putting them into the paper shredder, one by one. The documents were gone.
“Goddamn it, Eric! This is why I want my divorce, you’re such an unreasonable, irresponsible asshole!”
“Is that all?”
“Yes, that’s all you need to know. I don’t have to tell you anything.”
“There’s more to it Sookie. You’re hiding something from me.”
I felt the tears fall, and I was trying to control myself, but this beautiful man standing before me made me so vulnerable. He always managed to strip away every single layer of me until I was completely bare against him. I hated him for it, and then I also realized that no matter what, after all this time I still loved this man. But I couldn’t bring myself to give him my heart again. It was just too much.
“Stop it Eric, I didn’t come here for this. I need you stop this, I came here to finalize our divorce.”
“Stop what Sookie?” He asked, as he got closer to me. I looked up to see him staring down at me, suddenly I could feel him brush his lips against mine, and with that he pulled away from me.
“You want me to give up on you? You want me to stop pretending I don’t love you?”
“Eric…” He interrupted me before I could say anything by saying “Sookie, why don’t you tell me the real reason you left?”
He was close, really close to me. I looked up to him, and his eyes felt like they were staring into the very depths of my soul. I could feel his lips, just inches apart from my own. In an instance, I felt them brush up against my own, and he pulled away. I let myself get lost in him again, something I promised myself I would never do. I blinked away tears, and stepped away from him as quickly as I could.
“This is wrong, I can’t do this.”
“Do what? This?” He said pressing a kiss to my forehead. “Or this?” He said, placing a chaste kiss on my lips.
“Eric, Stop! That’s it, that’s enough! I’ve moved on Eric!”
“Well I haven’t.”
I wasn’t going to get through to him, and it was getting impossible to talk to him. He couldn’t do this to me, not now. He can’t do this.
“Look, you shredded those papers, and I’m getting sick and tired of you returning them unsigned!”
“Then it looks like you’re going to die waiting for them to be signed, because I’m not signing them.” How could he go from being sweet to an asshole in an instant? I felt rage build up in me. Eric needed to stop being so damned stubborn.
“Fuck you Eric, you can’t just do whatever the hell you want! I may be your wife legally, but as far as I’m concerned we’re far from being husband and wife. It’s time you wake up and smell the coffee Eric, this is over, it’s ended years ago.”
I didn’t even give him a chance to reply. I stormed out of his office and I didn’t even bother to look back and see if he was following me. I needed to get out of here, I needed to go home and think about how I was going to get him to sign those papers.
Seven years, it had been seven years since I’ve first laid eyes upon her. I was angry at her, I was so angry at her right now, all I could remember is her leaving me without a word.
But then, I also remembered that I had made so many mistakes pertaining to her. I pushed her away with promises that I kept on breaking.
I had been sitting in my office doing paperwork when Chow came in, notifying me that a Mrs. Northman was in here looking for me.
At first I couldn’t believe it, but after he described her to me, I had stopped everything that I was doing and went out to the bar, only to find Pam speaking with her, with my wife.
For the first time in seven years, I felt my control beginning to slip. I still loved her, I still loved my wife with every fiber of my being. I wanted to pick her up and wrap my arms around her, but I knew my touch would be unwelcome. My anger for her was suddenly gone, and I felt my love for her resurface.
“Sookie.” I said, trying to play it cool.
For a brief moment, I could see the emotions running through her, but she quickly schooled her features, building up a shield around herself.
She no longer trusted me, she feared me. I was the cause of this.
I had Sookie follow me back into my office where we were finally alone. We started off with a not so nice conversation, it was followed by throwing hurtful things at each other, and I know I regretted throwing her current situation in her face but I was so angry. I had been faithful to Sookie, I respected our marriage despite the fact that she and I hadn’t been together for seven years. I know Sookie respected marriage, she always did. To hear that she was with another man, despite being married to me made me feel betrayed. I felt so hurt and angry by this, so I let my anger get the best of me and I just threw it out in her face.
When her hand collided with my cheek, I can’t say I was angry. I was shocked, but I knew I had deserved it. What surprised me more were her tears. I hated seeing her cry, and I saw the struggle she was going through, trying not to let me see her cry.
It was hard to control myself, I wanted to wrap my arms around her, and take her troubles all away. Instead, I felt myself draw close to her, when she looked up at me I felt captured by her eyes, her beautiful eyes that matched my own. I leaned down, brushing my lips against hers.
She recoiled against me, pulling away from me quickly.
“This is wrong, I can’t do this.” She told me, and I knew she was right. But whatever she said, I still considered her mine, she was my wife. She always had been. I never stopped loving Sookie, and she always invaded my thoughts. I had gone out to search for her when she left, and the only thing I got from her were those divorce documents.
The first time I had received them, I actually cried. I really did sign them, but in the end I ended throwing them out. I couldn’t let her go. I wanted to fight for her, I wanted to win her back. But at the time I had no clue on how to do it. I knew I was at fault for her leaving. I knew I was irresponsible, stupid , stubborn I knew I was an asshole at the time.
She had tried talking to me, she tried to get us to see a councilor, and I refused time after time. I had stood her up, I had forgotten her birthday, I had forgotten important things during our time together. I paid more attention to my job and my career at the time than I did her. I was so focused on the materialistic things, that I forgot about my wife. I let work consume me. An error I am still paying for even now.
Sookie leaving me made me realize what I was doing wrong. I do remember us fighting, I remember all the arguments we would have, we had drifted apart because of my stupidity. I realized that working on this stupid bar wasn’t worth Sookie leaving me. It wasn’t worth coming home to an empty house, and an empty bed. There were no cooked meals to look forward to, or no more Sookie dosing off on our couch, with a movie playing on the tv, and no more me carrying her upstairs to bed like I used to. Her scent no longer lingered in my home.
I had never realized I could ever feel so empty.
The phrase “You don’t know what you have, until it’s gone.” Was really my situation. I really did screw up.
This time, I kissed her forehead, and gave her a chaste kiss again; and when I told her I wasn’t signing anything, she flipped out. Sookie let her temper flare out, and she cursed me out, leaving me on my own.
When she left me, I had actually laughed. She hadn’t changed one bit. She was still my little spit fire. She was as feisty as ever.
“I see you guys are as entertaining as ever.” Pam drawled, pulling me out of my thoughts.
“Not now Pam.” I sighed.
“You must have really pissed her off Eric. She was in tears.”
Now I felt guilty for what I had said earlier. But I wasn’t lying about it either. I wasn’t going to sign anything.
“I know, I just..” I sat down feeling a little exasperated. “She’s staying at Gran’s. Go do something nice, instead of shoving your explosive emotions in her face, try starting out as friends first. You’re so eager to know what’s really going on with her, be friends. She doesn’t trust you and she has every reason not to. So, try it. Don’t be an asshole, win her trust and maybe she’ll tell.”
I hated to admit it, but Pam was right. I needed to start out slow with her. I can’t expect her to just trust me. Hell, I don’t even trust myself right now.
If I wanted to win my wife back, I needed to show her that she could trust me. I needed to show her that she could give me her heart, and I would keep it forever safe in my hands. I wasn’t going to commit the same mistakes as I had done in the past.
Preston Pardloe had nothing. Sookie wasn’t his wife, she was mine, I’ll be damned if I let him have her.
I let her go once, and I wasn’t about to do it again.